Pardon me for being a drama queen

Just realized that supposedly we will have our chocolate party today with my mama's highschool friends who will take charge of the celebration. Mama was really looking forward for this party, I know how excited she was. I remembered last week when she said 'ma karaoke pa ko, day aa' but unfortunately she passed away just before this day came. These memories are breaking my heart big time!! I really miss my mama.
I actually don't want to remember the moments we spent together cause reminiscing them are breaking me into tears, but how can I not remember those moments when in every corner of this house have a memory worth remembering.
I don't exactly know when and how to start moving on because I'm so used to be with my mama. (Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change)
Our house won't anymore be the house it was used to be, and this and all of these things I have written break my heart so much! Can't anymore imagine how my life would be now without my mama, who was my everything.

This is me at the moment.

At this moment, things are not easy to accept, being strong is not easy when you know the one who lifts you up is gone, to have a smile on your face is not easy when you know you lost your mother.
I cannot put into words what I exactly feel, but what I want now is to really have her time back. This is all I'm asking for. Few hours since my mother was left at the funerals but I feel like I haven't seen her for ages. I want to hug her, kiss, and talk to her.
I was pulled out from school today hoping that I could still see my mother's last breath but unfortunately and depressingly I wasn't able to say my last goodbye before she passed away.
Losing a mother is like losing a life especially if you have a lot of 'what ifs'/regrets and gone through a lot that includes good memories you made together.
Having a difficult time to start my life again but now without my mama anymore. I love you mama and I will miss you so much. (still haven't poured all my tears out)

What we've been through

for 16 years, you never left my side despite everything. You showed the love that no one can give me, you showed the care when everyone else don't, you guided me to go to the door where I should be, you stood by me when I was about to fall, you were my shield and my armour in the battles that I faced, and you fought for me when I was about to give up. Now these words are in past tense but my LOVE will never be spelled as "loved" because my Love for you is ever lasting. I love you so much and I will miss you, my mama. Rest in Peace.

Sufferday (Saturday)

Not really inspired to write something or blog anything but I don't know maybe I'm just in this unusual mood for blogging. So today is a Saturday which means a boring day. I am prohibited to go out and take a break because I have to watch over my mother together with my aunts and sister. Earlier I started studying in math but I stopped because of course studying is a sleeping pill to me and I'm totally not fond of studying but maybe I'll continue later.
What I do not like about staying at home is that a lot like seriously there's a lot of visitors who visit my mother, who is very sick right now, and of course we have to follow the rules of our aunts, we have to stop anything we are doing and go outside to entertain the visitors. I'm an anti-social girl if the society doesn't fit my age. Now I have to stop writing because my aunts are again calling me to talk and entertain those visitors. RIGHT!

I'll be your strength

This is a song for my mother.

  

I'll be your strength

This is not gonna last forever
It’s that time when you must hold on.
And I won’t let you surrender,
And I’ll heal you if you’re broken.

We can stand so tall together.
We can make it through the stormy weather.
We can go through it all together, do it all together, do it all.

I’ll be your strength.
I will, I will, I will.
I’ll be your strength.
Yes I will, yes I will.

I won’t sleep till the sky is calmer,
Keep on searching till I find you.
And my love will be your armor,
In this battlefield around you.

Hand in hand we will walk together,
We can make it through the stormy weather.
We can break down walls together, do it all together, do it all.

I’ll be your strength.
I will, I will, I will.
I’ll be your strength.
Yes I will, yes I will.

Hold on, hold on.
I’ll be, there soon.
So hold on, hold on,
I’ll be, there soon.
So hold on, hold on,
I’ll be, there soon.
So hold on, hold on,
I’ll be, there...

I’ll be your strength.
I will, I will be.
I’ll be your strength.
I’ll be, I’ll be
I’ll be your strength.
I’ll be, I’ll be
I’ll be your strength.
I’ll be, I’ll be
I’ll be your strength.
I’ll be strong for you
I’ll be your strength.
And I’ll keep strong for you.